Should You Phone Your Dog?

Hey, Phone Dog here. If you're like me and most likely millions of others around the globe, you may be wondering if you should phone your dog. Why i'm here today is to tell you that you should NEVER fucking do this cunt. I repeat, NEVER phone your fucking dog. That's how you turn into a phone dog in the first place. Do you want that for yourself mate? Is that where you saw yourself on Christmas eve 2021? Honestly didn't fucking think so mate. Also, giving your dog a phone can cause your dog to not only become extremely autistic, but also will cause genetic mutations within the dog itself. This is because 21st century phones (Smartphones & iPhone's) are al secretly equipped with a chemical pheromone that can be fatal to canines, or any animals that aren't humans, apes, whales, koalas, a dung beetle, a minor bird and a blue ringed octopus.

The chemical found within the phones now is called "gonnaeatyadogcuntrah" and it believed to have been manufactured by the Russian Government operating in a secret base under a shopping centre called Mid Valley. Chemicals have been known to seep out of the lab however, and in time this has known to cause testicular cancer and to make people like Bruno Mars. I believe, as of the time i Phone Dog am writing this post, i am infected. Oh woe is me.

Below i have attached an image of a "gonnaeatyadogcuntrah" cell under a microscope. After observing it for about 70 years, the car mechanic (there was no scientists available) realised that the chemical may be more deadly than initially thought. The newer cells observed have mutated and gained new perks (not perks if you ask me cunt) like:

• Smelling Like Shit

• Listening To Emo Rap Music

• Threatening to Kill Yourself In Discord Chats For Fun

If you yourself suffer from either of those symptoms currently, you probably have a fucking "gonnaeatyadogcuntrah" cell in your body somewhere... Most likely your anal cavity as that is where it is the most cozy for them as they can come in and out as they please. They are known to smoke, so you wouldn't want an asshole full of smoke would you? You want smoke up your ass mate? I didn't fucking think so. At least they're polite. At least they've got that going for them you know man? What have you got huh? Yeah that's what i thought... Phone Dog wins.... again. You know, in this book i'm reading that i strongly recommend to you all, it says "even when people won't be grateful for your super cool knowledge, you just have to keep saying it over and over until they hear it."

Man, that's such a good book i'm just coming to realise. It's called "The Bible - The 4th Testament" by Soolee Gertrude.

Seriously a great read, incredibly insightful and honestly, it might just be our only hope against this "gonnaeatyadogcuntrah" cell pandemic. And, if the Russian's have their mitts on it now, you can only bet they are going to be weaponizing it, installing bluetooth speakers on it, dropping it on us and giving us all testicular cancer... or worse. We don't know what they're planning. We don't see through them. World War 3 has been in the talks since the second one ended on September 2nd, 1945. We can rise above this and stop a potential outbreak. Fuck what was this post even about? I don't remember. See i'm not actually medicated and i'm currently like, on the run from my psych ward and stuff. Don't tell anyone but i'm hiding at 145 Princes Highway, Trafalgar and i could honestly really use like a pizza or a fucking apple pie from maccy deez. Fucking anything mate, i'm literally withering away. I'm looking like an African Phone Dog, starving it up and shit. Masan Morgan won't even share his chips the cunt. He's got like 40 mini packs of them and i can't have one? Get fucked ya booger trotter? So i asked the cunt if i could have a minty or two and he's like "fuck off gran will say no".

Shut the fuck up pancake syrup hair head looking ass bum ass looking ass there. I can have a mintie if i want cunt. Your gran isn't even back for like 2 and a half weeks mate she's on a cruise, what's the go there?

And then he's like "Nah nah nah yeah nah yeah nah you can have some 2 minute noodles but has to be raw, and no bowls"

Honestly could probably find a better fucking meal at Moe Kermonds mate. I'll eat the fucking asbestos mate. Last week i had to drink the morning dew off some leaves and dead birds feet outside because the town council shut off my water... AGAIN, because apparently someone forgot to pay... AGAIN, and apparently the council didn't like that... AGAIN, and let's just say i didn't like that... AGAIN, so let's just say that the council said that i said pretty bad things... which maybe, i did. Okay? Nothing too bad there mate come on. Everyone would get mad if they shut your water off. Then they told me it wasn't just for swearing at them and not paying, but they're actually mad that i killed and ate one of their leading members chickens and roosters.

Now maybe, that sounds a little bad. Buuuut, what is one to do in 2024 when they are on the streets and very hungry. Like i wouldn't of had to of killed 239 chickens, 17 baby chicks and 47 roosters, skinned them, deboned them, grilled and fried them, ate them, shat them out onto the council members front doorstep with a nice note and ran away if the council had never of shut off my water. So who here is the real victim guys? I ask you... I'll leave you with this question as a goodbye thinker. A traveller mate.

What are two things you can never eat for breakfast? Mmmmm yeah that's a real dazzler that one is isn't it. Bet ya'll be real stumped on that clacker. The answer is Lunch and Dinner Though dog. It's not that deep and fuck you, i'm not giving you a traveller. I fucking hate you. GET OUT OF MY HEAD!

#phonedog #kermonds #145princeshighway