Common Muntings 0:5 - KFC Copage

KFC also known as Kentucky Fried Chicken is a fast food chain best known for having locations pretty much everywhere that isn't Kentucky. Any town i've been to seems to have a KFC located within it somewhere. Either that or a Chinese takeaway shop. Because i'm Chinese, i'm obviously fucking going with the takeaway joint. The food is better, i like to believe. Although if i find one more Chinese place serving sweet honey chicken, i might actually crash the fuck out mate. But realistically, i'm probably more likely to crash out going to KFC. I know millions of people love it somehow, but i don't know why. What is the hype with KFC? That's my real question. I remember when KFC started coming in and they began popping up everywhere. That was when? 1930? Same food mate, i'm telling ya. Don't believe any of that "nahhh actually we used to be healthy" stuff because i was there and those wings still dripped enough oil onto my pants and hands to make me water repellent. I went in 1931 one winters day because i was on a diet and fucking starving dog. My wings excreted enough oil to keep my whole body water repellent for my walk home. It was 45 minute walk and there was a thunderstorm. I arrived home dry as your boyfriends texting. How is that mate? And people just seem to love consuming the oil too like it taste good or something. That reason right there, is why i'm too scared to visit the USA. I imagine i will not only gain upon 5-10 pounds of fat from all the grease in the air when i get off the plane, but i also have this sneaky fucking feeling that some fucker will fry up my suitcase and make me eat it.

Yeaaaah, not for me mate. Not for me at all. Much like them KFC wicked wings i'm afraid to say. If you've ever been inside of a KFC for some reason, i'm sure you've noticed a few key features that can be found across any KFC location globally. The floors mate, are just fucked. They still look like they harbour herpes even when some poor worker has to clean it. And they have the audacity to put those fucking "slippery when wet" signs right where you have to stand and order your food. The food selection itself, not good. They have burgers with extremely dry crispy chicken, way too much sauce and lettuce that's been in a fridge for 2 months. That combo paired with a bun with more sugar in it than any of the fucking drinks do, sucks ass mate. Very sorry to say. The wraps aren't good either because the chicken is usually fucking uncooked for no reason, or just terrible quality. And again, too much fucking sauce. But this time it's a wrap so it just fucking goes everywhere. In fact, half the time they aren't even wraps. The fuckers just put the shit in a wrap and fold it in half. That's not how you fold a wrap mate.

The tables and chairs are always so greasy and covered in food. It's like this at every fast food location but it's just especially bad at KFC dude. I can't even put my fucking soggy nugget go bucket on the table without it sliding a few meters from me.

The toilets are always gross. The mens toilets are always fucking clogged. The drink selection too man, that's a killer for me. It's been like 10 fucking years now and the only drinks you can cop are Solo, Mountain Dew, Raspberry, Juice or Water. First of all, the water and juice are the price of second hand cars so probably fix that. Secondly, 3 frozen drinks with no variation at all is just torturous for customers. And every time people actually order a frozen drink, the one they want is always fucking unavailable because the "machine is broken". Little does the employee know that his nose is about to be broken. Personally, i just don't like Pepsi that much either. The aftertaste it leaves is syrupy and quite frankly not it. It's bullshit if you can't have Coke and Pepsi under one roof mate it really is. They're all owned by the same people.

And how could i forget about the worlds soggiest, softest, most unsalted chips. I swear they just fucking leave them out in the clothes basket while the manager is in the shower and they absorb all the steam. No chips should be that soggy. Some workers attempt to compensate this by putting on more of that seasoning that gives you heart palpitations but it doesn't really do shit when the chips are that soggy. They also are they oiliest chips in the entire fast food business and that's just another fucking bummer for them isn't it?

Annnnd mate, how can we possibly forget about the 12 year old employees that all seem to have severe hearing loss from years of hard work making chips soggy. None of them can ever hear me. Drive-thru or in store, it's always the wrong thing they put on my order. And they really have the nerve to tell you to pull out and wait 20-30 minutes for some fucking chips like yeah okay buddy chum cunt. "Nooooo it's okay Soolee here's some fucking chicken to make up for it"

I DIDN'T FUCKING WANT THE CHICKEN DICKHEAD! AND STOP PUTTING POTATO IN THE FUCKING GRAVY CUNT NOBODY FUCKING LIKES IT!

Yeah good times isn't it guys? If they had of just brang the krushers back this honestly could of been avoided. When have employees coming out and saying that they cook raw meat and serve it sometimes too, that's where a line needs to be drawn. Preferably a line with chalk from KFC's CEO's house to their prison cell. I hate getting chicken kidneys in my shit as if it's normal too. That's fucking grot cunt.